Insects and other foods the trout may be eating:
1.    Blue-winged Olives
2  .  Sculpin, baitfish and small crayfish (Imitate with streamers)
3.    Midges

Those That Know Me Asked For It, So All Of You, Know Me Or Not, Are
Going to Get It - Extreme, X Rated, Hard Core Fishing Tales

A Television Commercial Gone Bad - Part 2
About a week after the helicopter shoot didn't go so well, we headed the big Bertram
offshore to bluewater to complete the shooting of the TV commercial. This was
supposed to be the fun part of my "free" commercial and it also gave me the
opportunity to get a new show, provided the fish cooperated. Other than the captain
and one mate, the yacht salesman and I were the only ones aboard. It was a
beautiful day and things went rather well except we didn't catch the choice fish - a
blue marlin. We did catch a very large bull dolphin, one of the largest ones I have
ever seen and I've seen a lot of them. We didn't weight the fish and I don't
remember what we guessed it would weight at the time, I just remember it was huge,
a fish that would have won first place dolphin in most tournaments.

I was the angler and in order that he got in the TV commercial, the salesman was
acting as a mate. I pumped the dolphin in fast on the 80# tackle and they gaffed the
fish while it was still very, very green. Green is slang for the fish not being very tired
with plenty of fight left.

Anyone who has ever boated a large bull dolphin will tell you they are among the
wildest, hardest fish to calm down when they are gaffed that exist. They are very
strong fish. I reeled the fish up to the leader, the mate grabbed the leader and wired
the fish up close enough for the salesman to gaff the fish. Normally, you can just
throw a dolphin over the side of the boat but in this case it took both mates to pull
the big dolphin through the transom door. During the entire time, the fish was going
crazy. When they finally got it aboard, the fish was jumping as high as four feet off
the deck. They lost their grip on the gaff handle. The fish was jumping all over the
boat with the gaff banging the deck, fighting chair (with me still in it) and appeared
to be destroying the teak decking and everything it hit. It was a big, bloody mess.
The entire boat was slick with blood and it appeared the dolphin was never going to
stop trying to shake the gaff.

All dolphin that are boated fairly green are dangerous. They can get a hook from a
lure or bait, or the gaff itself in your leg or arm before you know what happened.
You have to stay clear of them. Normally, mates hit them over the head with a bat.
It's really the safest thing to do if you are going to boat the fish. In this case, they
couldn't get close enough to the jumping, wild fish to hit it with the bat. Our TV
commercial turned into a gross mess and of course, most all of the footage couldn't
be used.

Finally, the fish calmed down enough for the mate to whack it in the head with the
bat a lick or two. It took about five minutes to wash down all the blood from the boat
and fish. During the time that was being done, the fish lay on the deck as if it was
finished. Finally, I climbed out of the chair and picked the dolphin up head first to
get a good shot of the huge, cleaned up, washed-off fish. It was almost as long as I
am tall. Just as I raised it's head up to about my chin for the shot, the fish warped
me with its strong tail right where it hurts a man the most. On camera, I dropped the
fish and fell on top of it. I can still remember that it took me forever for me to get my
breath and I'll never forget the horrible pain. The crew said I completely passed out
from the lick.

The only good shots of the fish that could possibly be used for a TV commercial was
the ones my cameraman made of it lying on the deck. I can remember all of us
laughing later on that day, thinking someone back at the local TV station were I did
most of my post production was going to have a very difficult editing job.

Both the salesman and I were well aware that the man who owned the yacht sales
company and of course, the boat we were using, didn't have much of a sense of
hummer. That's something he was completely denied of for some reason. That
being the case, we both decided we should make a funny, fake commercial and
show it to him as if it was the real thing.

At the end of every TV show I did at that time, was a 30 second series of beauty
shots with background music from Don William's song - "Lord I hope this day is
good". We replaced the beauty shots with shots of the dolphin being boated. We
edited in the worst of all the shots over my normal closing saying.........."I hope you
enjoyed the program folks. Do yourself a favor and take a child fishing. You will gain
a friend for a lifetime. But teach him to protect these wonderful natural resources, so
that future generations have the same opportunities we do. You know if God didn't
intend for us to spend more time fishing than working, he wouldn't have put more
water here than land. So, enjoy your fishing, keep what you need, but release the
rest for me to catch. Until next week, God Bless.

Over that, we had added graphics stating - "Brought to you by "Such and Such ( I
want name the company) Yacht Sales, your Gulf Coast Bertram Dealer.

A few days after getting out from under the threat of being sued by one of the
owners of one of the sailboats we blew over at his marina with the helicopter, the  
yacht sales company owner wanted to see the new TV commercial we came up with.
Of course, prior to showing him the real one, we just had to show him the fake one I
just described. We had them both put on a VHS cassette and into his office we went.
He plugged the tape into his VCR and the video started with the sound of the song
"Lord I hope this day is good"; my voice saying "take a child fishing, protect these
natural resources, etc"; and the pictures of the bloody dolphin being chased all over
the deck of the million dollar Bertram by a mate with a baseball bat trying to kill it.

Not one smile came across the man's face. The only thing he said was "get out of
my office". Some people just don't have a good sense of humor and I guess some
people just don't know how to make their sponsors happy.

Copyright 2010 James Marsh